When someone asks me how I am, my immediate reply is 'I'm good thank you.' To be completely honest with you I'm not always fine, but I can't find the words to say that. I suffer from OCD and anxiety. Although I quite openly talk about my other health problems, I have POTS Syndrome and Interstitial Cystitis. OCD and anxiety is something that I struggle to talk to people about.
This is a post I have been wanting to do for quite sometime, but I just haven't been able to publish it. I was officially diagnosed last year, although suffering from anxiety and OCD for quite a few years now, I finally went to my doctors and got my diagnosis.
Along with having anxiety and OCD, between the two it can be an absolute nightmare. I have a very bad habit of bottling things up inside. Sometimes it does get too much and it shows. One of the main fears I have is what people are going to think, which I know is definitely something that I should not worry about, but I do. I created my blog over 4 years ago as a place where I can write about anything and I want my blog to still be that, a place where I can share things such as OCD and anxiety.
There are so many supporting and inspiring people out there who have helped me to overcome some of my fears in speaking out. There is a very supporting community when it comes to mental health, I have met online some amazing people, especially through Twitter. Reading other peoples blog posts about mental health have also helped me to write this one.
I was really worried what people would think at University, but my tutors and lecturers as well as the Wellbeing Centre have be so supportive and always ask to make sure I'm ok and if I need to talk that they are there. I thought they might not want to know about my problems and how I felt, but I found that in fact they do want to listen. I had been putting off telling people at University for a while, but it was getting to a point where I did need to tell someone. I'm so pleased that I did speak up about it and let people start to know what was going on. I felt a huge relief afterwards and some of that fear I felt just simply disappeared.
Last year I started a course of therapy sessions for anxiety. The lady who I was seeing was so lovely and the sessions did really help a lot. I am currently waiting for CBT for my OCD which I will be starting towards the end of this month, after a about a year of waiting. I was putting off getting help for quite a while, but last year I knew that I needed some help and so my road to recovery has started. There have been many times where I feel that I'm not going to get better and I'm just going to get worse, but I'm determined to win and I will get better.
I suppose the whole point of this post is to say that I don't want to be scared of talking about my OCD and anxiety. I don't want to feel that way, because at the end of the day, even though I don't want it to be and I wish it wasn't, OCD and anxiety is part of me. And so I wan't to continue to write about mental health and to regularly include it in my blog posts, as it is a topic that needs to be talked about. I'm already feeling better for writing this post.